S02E38 - Earth Geeks Must Go! (Goosebumps Series 2000 #24)

[00:00:00] The government has issued an alarming warning. Arlene and I lean closer listening carefully.

[00:00:07] Earth Geeks have landed. Everyone should be on the lookout. Mayor Governor Dermar has

[00:00:11] announced a state of emergency. Arlene and I stare at each other. Earth Geeks? Emergency?

[00:00:18] A grim faced man in a black suit appears on the screen. I guess that this is Mayor Governor Dermar.

[00:00:24] The Earth Geeks will not survive for long if we all are alert and do our civic duty, he

[00:00:27] owns. Earth Geeks must go, Earth Geeks must go. His words send a chill down my back and

[00:00:33] I can't force a frightening thought for my mind. Is this really my house? I'm not sure anymore.

[00:00:38] Maybe I don't live here. Maybe I don't live anywhere. I turned Arlene and can see by her

[00:00:42] face that she has the same thought. Maybe we're the Earth Geeks we both say in unison and

[00:00:47] they want to kill us.

[00:00:51] Hello and welcome to Say Podcast and Die. It is a queer pop culture podcast about

[00:00:56] goosebumps and horror. Yes, and we are almost done with goosebumps series 2000. Who the heck are we?

[00:01:02] We are Andy and Alyssa. Yes, the two of us together make Andy and Alyssa. And we are here

[00:01:08] to read goosebumps series 2000 number 24 Earth Geeks must go. Yeah, the series is almost

[00:01:12] over this wild. In preparation for the exciting body horror of this book I just want to give

[00:01:18] a shout out to a under appreciated Netflix series that's on if you're a Junji Ito fan

[00:01:24] or just want to have some weird cool stories in your life. If you're a Junji Ito fan

[00:01:28] or not yet, a Junji Ito fan. Exactly. Maniac. I'm going to be referencing it later. It's

[00:01:34] hella cool. And so is this story in my opinion which is about body horror and the dread of

[00:01:40] not knowing who you are. So sorry when you started saying that as we were getting started

[00:01:45] you were also touching your armpit and you were talking about body horror and I was like

[00:01:48] oh where is this going? But okay, that makes more sense. That is also about body horror

[00:01:53] because lactation starts in your armpits. And I've been lactating for about a year now.

[00:01:58] You heard it here first. Yeah, I make sure armpits itchy. Well, Burst high view of the

[00:02:04] plot. Whoa and oh man that's kind of related to the story today. Burnt's high view of the

[00:02:08] plot. Is it related? Yeah, like your arms. Oh, I see. I see. I see. In a way, wish

[00:02:16] everybody could see Andy raising their arm in the air to gesture to where the food goes.

[00:02:22] So I don't really know how to sum up the story except to say there's a very bonkers plot

[00:02:28] about some aliens who are bringing people to earth and erasing their memories and using

[00:02:33] them as manchuria and candidates. I mean, they're not bringing them to earth or bring

[00:02:36] them from earth to wherever the hell we are. And then it's because there's an interspecies

[00:02:41] war between these bug creatures called splatter bugs and then these humans that are basically

[00:02:45] humans but they have a different number system. And it doesn't make sense but these are

[00:02:52] protagonist and his sister and their father get caught up in it. And that's where we're

[00:02:58] going. Yeah. Is that fair? It is fair. Do you want to talk about the cover? The cover. Yes.

[00:03:04] I think it's one where Tim Jacobus was not really told very much about what the book was

[00:03:10] going to involve. Something I kept thinking about over and over is that this is so clearly

[00:03:15] a book that came title first. Yeah. So I think the plot, you know, in defense of Tim

[00:03:19] Jacobus, I think the plot was also decided before they really knew what the story was about.

[00:03:27] What is the title of reference to? Is it something? It must be. Okay. Well, what's the cover

[00:03:31] look like? Red and green. The red and green with a car-like spaceship and a dude in a red

[00:03:37] stay suit, which I guess must be our protagonist but with glowing red eyes. This is one where

[00:03:44] it's hard to say if that's a child or not. Usually we don't have adults on these covers

[00:03:48] but this I mean, I don't know when I first glanced at it. Maybe it's something about how

[00:03:52] angular the space suit is. I really just assumed it was a dude driving. Maybe it's crazy old Phil.

[00:03:59] He did not test out his own machine though. Yeah. And I think actually one detail that might be

[00:04:04] accurate is this machine looks very insectoid and we later learned insects made it. That's what they

[00:04:10] designed the technology that the humans then appropriate. Yes. So do you want to talk about it?

[00:04:19] I mean, if we have to. The book hurt you. So we open with Jacob Miller talking about how he's an

[00:04:25] average normal boy and here are all the ways he's normal. He has brown hair. He gets normal grades.

[00:04:31] Normal, normal, normal. And he's very defensive about it. And I'm like, why are we reading about

[00:04:36] you then? To give me someone interesting. This is a sidebar but the Princess of Mars series,

[00:04:41] The Chronicles of Mars by Edgar Rice Burrows, he was kind of embarrassed about how weird the books

[00:04:46] were. So he put a fake name on the first one and he called himself normal bean. Just normal.

[00:04:54] Normal. Well, so chapter one is basically Jacob's resume of how average he is. And he's like,

[00:05:00] now my whole life depends on a guy named Crazy Old Phil which will you know,

[00:05:06] this set me up to think that Crazy Old Phil was his dad but no. And then you hear a record scratch

[00:05:11] and it goes, maybe I'd better start from the beginning. Yeah. Someone needed an extra two pages.

[00:05:16] Seriously. So something else that's interesting about this book is that it's all in present tense

[00:05:21] except for that first chapter. Whereas most of them are in the past tense. And I kept waiting for

[00:05:26] it to sort of, I don't know, go back to the usual format but the whole time it was, I plead, I

[00:05:32] ask. I wonder. Did it heighten the excitement for you? Not for me personally but I can see how it

[00:05:37] was supposed to do that. Well, we're at school. It's back to school and I really like the set up

[00:05:44] actually. Like I said, I like this book. I thought it that it was scary and you're like, when did

[00:05:48] things change? He's just sitting there in class and he suddenly kind of realizes he doesn't understand

[00:05:53] what's happening. And then he doesn't actually know who he is or who any of the kids around him are.

[00:05:57] Uh-huh. So and the first horror that we're introduced to is so Mr. Kray says, welcome, we're ready to

[00:06:04] begin the trough grade. Yeah, trough with an R. With an R but it's the kind of thing where it's like

[00:06:09] what? Am I in the wrong grade? Oh no, what if I have to stand up and announce to people I'm

[00:06:14] in the wrong room? It's all very like social outcast horror. Yeah, it starts very real. And yeah,

[00:06:20] it does it does maintain that social outcast horror in a little bit of like being the

[00:06:25] person in class that everyone else is xenophobically targeting too. Like oh everyone thinks

[00:06:31] your lunch is weird or whatever. Yeah, but yeah, it's for some reason he's holding a card that

[00:06:36] is written in English letters. Jacob Miller, Mr. Kray's sixth grade. So who gave him that card?

[00:06:41] And did the splatterbugs give it to him? Did it help him find the room when it seems like

[00:06:45] everything else would not be written in an English alphabet? I don't know. I have no answers

[00:06:52] to questions like these and like when did he you know come to because he doesn't seem to realize

[00:06:57] he has no memory of everything at this point? Yeah, I know. He just woke up suddenly in class and

[00:07:02] this is what I like about the horror of it. I kept waiting for this to be and it was all a dream,

[00:07:07] but I guess we had just come from Slappy's nightmare so that would have been pretty crass to

[00:07:10] your choice. So then he asks for clarification. Did you just say, Trelth, but no one's taking him

[00:07:17] seriously? Mr. Kray starts writing on the board and it's just in characters that Jacob does not

[00:07:24] recognize and Mr. Kray says, can you come up and solve this problem? And he's like no. He's like,

[00:07:31] well I was starting with an easy one. Yeah, my note is if this is a dream, I'm going to punch someone.

[00:07:36] So Trelth's credit it was not a dream. And then they all are supposed to go to computers in the back

[00:07:42] of the room to write about how they spent their summer and he's like okay I can do that but he doesn't

[00:07:46] recognize the alphabet on the keyboard and when Mr. Kray shows him a map he doesn't recognize any of

[00:07:51] the countries on that. Yeah and and at first you just didn't hear the assignment because he's so

[00:07:58] up in his head about I don't know what is going on and then he asks someone what was the assignment

[00:08:03] and the kids like it's so unoriginal we're supposed to write about something that happened this summer

[00:08:07] it's very just nice little slip-in of like teachers today they're so boring. Well and it's

[00:08:12] 22 because this this similarities between this world and the human world are striking right that

[00:08:18] that would be like the assignment you get first day of school or you know that the puns are similar.

[00:08:24] Yeah that's something that's like continually very weird about this book the sort of like it's almost

[00:08:31] recognizable but not quite the sports are different and the numbers are different and the

[00:08:34] alphabet's different so nothing else yeah so they do an equation on the board and then they write

[00:08:41] about their summer and then it's lunchtime so it was quick warning and nothing looks familiar even though

[00:08:47] Jacob somehow knows he's in the right school. Yeah there's a few things he goes to a house that he

[00:08:54] knows is the right house later too but this is kind of deserted house and he's not sure why he knows it

[00:08:58] and it has no signs of his presence having been there also it turns out they're not on Earth so it's

[00:09:03] not his house yeah but it was this like empty house that's seemingly for them like somehow they knew

[00:09:08] they could stay there that night. Well he starts to take a bite of his sandwich and then sees everyone

[00:09:15] staring at him and total disgust because as it turns out all the other kids are shoving food into

[00:09:19] their armpits. Yep they got food holes there yeah which and so can you with a little surgery?

[00:09:27] Well no I just mean like what's a food hole right? Well their armpit hole seems to connect to

[00:09:34] their digestive system so that's different well there must be some kind of connection happening if

[00:09:39] I eat food and putting out your armpit? No I eat food with my mouth and then I lactate out of

[00:09:45] modified sweat glands that run from my armpit and forward. That's true but that's a like

[00:09:53] the more of a specialized system that not everyone has like well not everyone has it so much as

[00:09:59] like if you take the right hormones you can. You don't but none of these kids are lactating

[00:10:05] and producing food they're just consuming food in presumably producing ways. I'm just saying we're

[00:10:09] not that different. Oh happy Andy over here so um yeah girls are the couple girls are grossed out

[00:10:20] for him grossed out by him for trying to put food in his mouth but another but there's one girl

[00:10:26] who's staring at him and is like hmm hmm hmm and then he runs out of the school and into some tall

[00:10:34] reads yeah as you do and then into some tall grass yeah there's some woods behind the school

[00:10:39] and then he thinks he's being chased so he keeps running but then he has suddenly covered an

[00:10:45] insects and they're drinking his blood. Yeah it's kind of like leeches meets ticks in mosquitoes yeah

[00:10:51] yeah um because they kind of burrow uh they're spiky they have spiky black hair and they're pulsing

[00:10:56] and quivering they look like little bubbles. Pretty cool yeah pretty disgusting pretty disgusting

[00:11:02] and then he he runs into his pursuer who is the girl who was staring at him and she says her name

[00:11:06] is Arlene and she says I'm like you I eat food with my mouth and we also get a nice pause to

[00:11:11] let make sure that we know she's wearing black jeans and red and white striped tank top yeah

[00:11:15] so you know but she's wearing a tank top you think people would think people might notice that she

[00:11:20] doesn't have a mouth under her arm. Yeah well maybe that's why she left but yes so yeah she's like him

[00:11:27] right it's like kind of again the like um we're both in the same you know non-normative group

[00:11:34] so let's hang out and be friends and like there's like a queer recognition part to it I think yeah

[00:11:39] and she says she doesn't remember where she's from and he realizes he doesn't either yeah I thought

[00:11:45] that was really scary she's because I think the scary part is just realizing that you've been

[00:11:49] operating without this knowledge and then when you try to think of it you're like oh I assumed

[00:11:54] I knew that but I guess I don't yeah and then bugs start raining down from the tree like it's a

[00:11:59] Timon and Pumba computer game from 1995 that was my metaphor I was very excited to throw down

[00:12:06] it's good metaphor thank you yeah and there's flattery bugs which is what makes it even more like a

[00:12:11] Timon and Pumba computer game from 1995 it's true one drops on Arlene's tongue because she's screaming

[00:12:17] and then other kids show up and they whistle to make the bugs stop they splatter yeah well then

[00:12:22] yeah the kids start popping them and they start a splatter war which is really gross yeah so we get

[00:12:27] a real turn in the goose versus exploration of children and animal cruelty especially when we learn

[00:12:34] that these splatter bugs are as intelligent if not more intelligent than the people who are smashing

[00:12:41] them yeah it'd go so far to say it's significantly more intelligent they have space travel uh yeah

[00:12:46] and and Arlene to a greater extent and Jacob to a lesser extent are extremely uncomfortable about

[00:12:52] the fact that for fun these children kill these bugs yeah but then we remember Todd go eat worms

[00:13:00] fame the scientist taught you me scientist Todd yes I do like this book actually really delivers on

[00:13:05] what that book promised remember he's in the tub full of earthworms drowning but then it's a dream

[00:13:11] yeah yeah yeah yeah they're right they went for it and made it worse well basically the kids say don't

[00:13:17] you know we're not supposed to be back here and because they don't all want to get in trouble they

[00:13:20] turn into Jacob and Arlene to Mr. Trigger the principal and that's how you know we're not in goose

[00:13:25] earth because there's a male principal yeah very rare and indeed Jacob is like I thought it was

[00:13:32] Miss Robinson which would make sense whoever heard of a guy being a principal and he asked why

[00:13:40] why were you back there they make up a lie about having seen an animal and he's like well that's

[00:13:44] why you're not supposed to go back there stupid don't you know that and they're like we don't know

[00:13:49] anything and he says Jacob you were seeing pudding food in your mouth it's disgusting

[00:13:55] yeah again it's like a culture clash story where you know your kid in school and you have no one

[00:14:00] to protect you from the majoritarian culture yeah and Jacob thinks about asking some clarifying

[00:14:08] questions but doesn't and Arlene pulls off a splatter bug which was burrowing into her skin

[00:14:14] and Jacob wants to smash it having learned that that's an option and she says it's a living thing

[00:14:20] I don't believe in killing living creatures well she's gonna eat her words isn't she

[00:14:25] is she oh yeah she doesn't do it well no but later she's it's gonna be like see she gets

[00:14:30] so much fucking compassion she gets a little swept up in some genocide which I don't think was

[00:14:35] necessary actually I don't know if we can trust the way the things fell out I 100% agree

[00:14:41] okay good well anyway the Jacob goes to let the bug outside he really wants to smash it but

[00:14:47] Arlene is watching and then there's a kind of like gnarly looking guy in an old raincoat calling

[00:14:51] out to him and he's like oh yeah I thought it was maybe a spidey yeah or one of spidey's brethren

[00:14:59] his creepy guy in raincoat posse so they have a geography lesson on the continent of ploja

[00:15:09] and they have to read part of a novel by Thomas maroon which I have Thomas is still a name

[00:15:14] Thomas is yeah well I was thinking it might be a reference to Thomas Moore who wrote utopia

[00:15:19] yeah which is about being in strangestriensis one of my questions do is gonna be like what is this

[00:15:22] a reference dream that makes the most sense yeah I mean maroon is also a problematic term that

[00:15:30] is about being stranded somewhere deliberately on another island on an island another place

[00:15:35] but I don't know if we should even use the term it's also a color this a color yeah I don't

[00:15:42] really know how much you're supposed to say that term or not bugs bunny uses it all the time

[00:15:47] but that doesn't give us any guidance to whether you're supposed to can't trust bugs bunny who can

[00:15:52] you trust the other thing that Jacob notices is that the clock has 14 hours yeah and he doesn't

[00:15:58] recognize any of the numbers um and he's worried that Arlene might be a plant and but then he decides

[00:16:05] you have to trust someone and I was wondering if that was RL stands one of his parting messages

[00:16:10] to his anxious fans because he has a very an ang a readership of anxious children but maybe the

[00:16:16] message in the end besides run is that maybe you have to trust someone but I mean like look where it

[00:16:21] gets them yeah maybe that's not the message I don't think that's his message no well after class

[00:16:29] you see some kids playing with silver discs and calling out nonsense rules it's very

[00:16:34] beast from the east that's a meaner but he stepped on the scrog but it's your scrim we're just starting

[00:16:39] the first drill so to be fair this is also what I hear when people talk about sports like oh he did

[00:16:46] the touchback thing yeah they threw the ball to the other team and then the other team did did the

[00:16:52] other thing that made them stop and go no no no the ball goes back to the other team now no no no

[00:16:57] um but it's your scrim just sounds really gross to me it does a lot of this is gross

[00:17:04] okay so they can invite to play in there like nah nah they try to remember some things but they

[00:17:11] can't so say oh we'll go to the library and they ask miss nash for books about local history but

[00:17:17] the words are still unreadable there's this hugely long scene where they like talk to the

[00:17:22] librarians say they want books about local history go get a bunch of books bring the books over to

[00:17:27] the table it goes on for like two pages and then they're like oh we can't read these

[00:17:31] you can look at the pictures you've got looked at the titles to determine that you couldn't read them

[00:17:35] why did you even pick up these specific books why did you go to the library for this yeah how did

[00:17:39] you know you were at oh well they knew they were library because there was pictures of books

[00:17:42] on the front so I guess they still use codices in this universe well they also look around because

[00:17:48] they notice that some of the print is raised and then they see people are licking the books which

[00:17:53] just seems extremely unsanitary yeah I mean so I was touching them I think we're talking about

[00:17:58] degrees of unsanitaryness though yeah but we do send our baby to the children's library

[00:18:03] we're both of those things certainly happen that's true but these aren't babies that they're looking

[00:18:08] at they're looking at other adults most they're not adults but they're looking at non babies

[00:18:13] that's true and I just had a horrible memory that you might want to cut but I remember one time

[00:18:19] I got a baby serr's club book from library and I was reading it in bed and I was like what is on

[00:18:25] the cover and then I realized someone had sneezed on multiple pages oh it wasn't on the cover

[00:18:30] it was on like in pages yeah you don't believe like uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh I know

[00:18:37] really stuck with me yeah and with that book yeah I'm kidding anyway yay libraries um

[00:18:45] so yeah they leave the library and that that creepy guy's still following them so they decide to run

[00:18:50] and they decide to go to Jacob's house he doesn't know how he knows it's his house he just does

[00:18:57] and Arlene also remembers being here before it reminds me of the house that the guy in

[00:19:01] um invasion of the body squeezers had where it's just kind of nondescript in certain ways

[00:19:08] yeah it's very gray mm-hmm like it does have a TV though yeah and it has very strange personal

[00:19:15] touches like for example he there's a stack of like art forums

[00:19:21] yeah and a TV in the laptop but no pictures so as soon this must be the splatters being like

[00:19:26] this is their the human house their human house yeah they read art forum watch television right

[00:19:34] and then Arlene is getting very paranoid she says she remembers she doesn't remember where she lives

[00:19:39] but she remembers having once read a book where these kids are in all these strange scenarios and it

[00:19:43] turns out they're in a sign slab being experimented on yeah and then she's all freaked out like what

[00:19:47] if people are watching us right now and I felt kind of called out as the reader yeah you weirdo you

[00:19:52] creep yeah are you watching these children I did for my podcast

[00:19:59] well they turn on the TV and basically it's interdimensional cable i have that minute too

[00:20:04] two mice are chasing a dog if there's a game where people guess flavors there's a fishing show with

[00:20:09] two headed fish there's a game show where people are electrocuted and I think this is a nice way

[00:20:13] of drawing out the universe a bit seems like some very simple folk so we have Tom and Jerry we have

[00:20:19] reality TV we have Squid Game yeah I guess yeah it's not that different from on seething again but they

[00:20:25] seem kind of violent and kind of simple again called out yeah they are humans in other words

[00:20:34] well they also find a convenient exposure to our news program where the mayor governor

[00:20:39] durmer is announcing that earth geeks have landed an earth geeks must go yeah and they won't survive

[00:20:45] for long if we do our civic duty so says are we the earth geeks and then he remembers he's from

[00:20:51] Madison Wisconsin yeah you know as are I just look to be like is there any significance

[00:20:59] Madison Wisconsin there's not really that I can tell I mean not that there's no significance to

[00:21:03] it as a place it's important labor history then you know history of protest yeah it's we're

[00:21:08] not talking about Delaware don't worry right no I'm not shooting on Madison but I did think it was

[00:21:13] interesting that Georgia O'Keefe Frank Lloyd Wright Chris Knoth Stacey Abrams Oscar-Mire of the hot

[00:21:20] dogs and pleasant T Rowland of American girls are all from Madison Wisconsin what a group yeah wasn't

[00:21:28] expecting Chris and it's to come up in there but okay yeah I say that in for you thanks not because

[00:21:34] you like him just because you watch law and order a lot yeah and all of sex in the city more than once

[00:21:39] well that's also kind of on you yeah I know they speculate that they might be in a shocker on

[00:21:44] shock street scenario where there are robots uh-huh and then they're like no that'd be such a cheap plot

[00:21:49] choice do you think or also I was coming with ideas and he's like shit I did that already right how

[00:21:53] am I gonna get out of this one they um start to think about breaking into the school after hours

[00:22:00] because for some reason they think their records must be in English yeah I think they think

[00:22:05] there must be some like transfer paperwork or something right I don't know why they think that

[00:22:09] we need there but then the guy from earlier comes in and says he's their dad I think you're

[00:22:14] completely right actually I hadn't thought about this but an economy sort of move or all

[00:22:19] side might be making is writing down all the directions he didn't think he thought about going but

[00:22:23] it didn't ultimately go like the beginning of the babysitter where she's talking about all the things

[00:22:27] that could go wrong during babysitting right but yeah stay raincoat stay in raincoat guy catches them

[00:22:33] and he says jakey and he goes he knows my nickname it's a pretty good guess yeah they're very

[00:22:42] credulous it must be Jacob's thing again of you have to trust someone but basically he says yeah

[00:22:48] you're my kids they're like okay yeah because you knew my name was jakey yeah and not fatso

[00:22:56] even though if he had said oh I call you fatso that's such a goosebumps parent move

[00:23:00] yeah I'd be like oh I call you this like nick it nick name you hate how did you know

[00:23:06] which parent doesn't um and hauntingly they none of them know if there is a mother in their situation

[00:23:15] nope and their dad is like no no me neither I have no idea I don't understand no I don't

[00:23:20] have to meet her I don't understand why the kids are there at all if he's the one with the bomb

[00:23:25] but anyway we'll get into that and then he says well the two of you should go to school tomorrow

[00:23:31] because you'll be safe there for some reason it doesn't make any sense he's like I'll come up with

[00:23:35] the plan which he doesn't no so they go to gym and mr. grody the p t shirt hat wants in the place

[00:23:44] you know again they don't understand involves throwing a cube and it's like first blette that's

[00:23:48] a thrill harb it are oean and again I'm sure this brought you specifically you back to gym class

[00:23:53] yeah I was like how do you all know the rules of these ball games I mean I had a similar experience

[00:23:58] when I was I really wanted to be signed up for a basketball clinic because my school was offering one

[00:24:03] and I hadn't played before but I signed up for it because you know Mary on 7th heaven looks so

[00:24:10] cool playing basketball and how did that clinic work out for you I just like wanted to cry all

[00:24:15] the time because it was just like this everyone's yelling like no you run that way no you're running

[00:24:19] the wrong way and I was like what and they're like why are you dribbling and I'm like what

[00:24:24] well then everyone starts chanting earth geeks earth geeks like they figure it out right quick

[00:24:29] because they don't know how to do sports then they get asked some trivia questions and they can't

[00:24:34] answer yeah they don't know that there aren't seven continents but like there are have you met

[00:24:39] Americans well that's a thing like a citizenship test because if someone asked me the last grulls

[00:24:46] presidents I don't think I could answer yeah and that's what Arlene gets get asked the last grulls

[00:24:51] mayor governors but yeah mr. Trigger seems to know enough about earth to know that seven is an

[00:24:57] earth number when in fact they have glove and team continents yeah so they have a concept of earth

[00:25:04] for sure yeah they know a lot more about earth and for people that don't have interstellar travel

[00:25:08] it's about the indictment of citizenship test I would say well they run away and they find their

[00:25:15] dad who says oh we'll steal a car it's like okay he's been all day sitting in the house trying to

[00:25:21] think of a plan and this way he comes up with without actually checking to see if he can drive

[00:25:26] these cars yeah and in it steal it by steal a car he means find one that's unlocked and get in it

[00:25:32] yeah and yeah but then he's like ah there's no wheel yeah there was no pedals and just buttons

[00:25:38] just a Tesla so he immediately drives it into a brick wall and they all pass out

[00:25:44] he's basically just your average goose dad yeah apologies goose punks there may be some background

[00:25:51] noise we've been waiting for like 20 minutes for whatever the fuck this garbage truck is doing

[00:25:56] just stop really don't have a lot of time left it's okay garbage trucks they do an important

[00:26:02] service and so are we and we'll we'll work alongside each other so yeah equal importance where

[00:26:08] worry night pre 9-11 you have weapons of mass destruction we're gonna torture you so yeah

[00:26:13] oppression to yeah and they threaten to drop them into a bunch of splatter bugs and the other

[00:26:18] hung upside down lowered into a cauldron after Jake already has his head completely submerged he's

[00:26:25] like I should try to whistle but of course he can't well so here's the other thing that's like

[00:26:30] weird about it so this makes sense sort of when you think that the splatter bugs are just bugs

[00:26:37] and you assume that they also think that too but they are this this group of creatures they're

[00:26:43] aware that the splatter bugs are again not only intelligent but more intelligent than them so it's

[00:26:47] like I'm gonna lower you head first into a group of nerds who have invented space travel yeah who

[00:26:53] we're trying to suffocate you with it's a really weird yeah like I really that you know this reminded me

[00:26:58] of especially if that later when the splatter bugs all form a giant mound shape with a head is in

[00:27:04] the hills the cities by Clive Barker that's a short story that's also about two populations having

[00:27:09] a really stupid disgusting fight yeah when he submerges his head into these splatter bugs he can

[00:27:17] read their thoughts he claims he sure claims they say they won't hurt him they say pretend to cooperate

[00:27:24] but apparently dad also gets the message yeah that I think just coincidentally dad also says okay

[00:27:29] Alcoa operates so it kind of goes so he probably didn't get the message so much as is just a coward

[00:27:34] yeah or as like here's an idea yeah um but yeah it's very scarecrow walks at midnight like uh then I

[00:27:41] saved the day yeah and then the splatter bugs attack the mayor governor who runs away yeah because they

[00:27:46] dumped the cauldron out basically which doesn't make sense in the splatter bugs everywhere and then

[00:27:51] they attack there yeah and they do that while forming into one giant shape and supposedly their

[00:27:57] leader gulf speaks to them telepathically yeah they say we brought you here to destroy whoever the

[00:28:03] fuck these people are because they treat us like bugs right and they put a bomb in their in dad's

[00:28:08] wristwatch yeah so they explain this is their whole thing as they they brought them there a race

[00:28:14] their memory and planted a bomb on them to kill the humans but then it seems like actually the design

[00:28:21] of the bomb is mainly one that would kill the splatter bugs and not the humanoid creatures or whatever

[00:28:27] these people are well the bomb never goes off so we have no idea I don't know why it's an alarm system

[00:28:33] within the bomb you think not the bomb yeah that will Jake so what happens is Jacob smashes it

[00:28:38] and triggers the alarm which causes them which the sound I think is what causes them to explode

[00:28:45] to explode oh yeah okay so Jacob they they're like we're gonna help you the splatter bugs are and

[00:28:50] we're so grateful for you and you know we can kill these guys and then Jacob and they're like

[00:28:56] so give us the wristwatch and Jacob takes it and smashes it yeah so there's a bomb in it and he

[00:29:00] smashes it yeah and then he says well I heard telepathically that they were gonna splatter us and I

[00:29:06] don't believe him no we didn't hear anything about that no and I don't understand his motive I also

[00:29:13] don't understand why they needed three humans like to race their memories and embed them in a school

[00:29:18] when they could have just brought a whistle wristwatch oh like or instead of racing my memories could

[00:29:23] have like trained them to be spies in exchange for goods or services or money been a lot less

[00:29:29] conspicuous right yeah like if it was more of a welcome to camp nightmare scenario yeah yeah that would

[00:29:35] have made more sense but it doesn't and then the mayor governor comes back and goes well your

[00:29:42] national hero is now right and they have a huge party for like three days where they you know it's like

[00:29:51] let's celebrate our war like victory with getting pouring champagne down our armholes and

[00:29:57] doing weird dances and then they're like well we'd like to go home now that we've had a party and

[00:30:04] they're like oh that that like those creatures you just genocide and they had space trouble but

[00:30:09] we don't I guess I can see Jacob's motive partly because when he looks at the kind of hierarchy

[00:30:17] in this planet it does seem like the splatter bugs are not likely to win you think he's like a very

[00:30:24] savvy tactician with just like ruthless yeah no sense and say ruthless but then yeah so they're like

[00:30:31] well you guys can assimilate though we'll do a surgery and make these armholes for you and you

[00:30:36] can just fit right in and you can live with us people finished done solved well and they say

[00:30:43] uh nah then someone brings up crazy old Phil who is apparently experimenting with space travel it's

[00:30:51] a kind of person you want build a spaceship for you yeah a guy who's wearing a chef apron over his

[00:30:56] overalls and yellow flammel and he's like scientist yeah you know well Phil says the splatters

[00:31:03] the splatter bugs weren't as advanced as they thought they were so I basically took their ideas

[00:31:08] and maybe tweak them yeah broke it or made it better and then apparently because of how it works

[00:31:16] they'll arrive temporally a little bit before they left yeah and it seems like that maybe happened

[00:31:24] at first it seems like they had to space shuttle explosion disaster kind of scenario but then I

[00:31:29] guess it was just allowed takeoff noise and then they're back on a planet that seems like the

[00:31:34] goose first it's grass and lawns and houses white ticket fences yeah then they see a couple and

[00:31:40] they're like hey and the couple pulls off their heads and underneath their human heads they have

[00:31:45] lizard heads and they say are you from around here yeah that's it so the book that is where we end

[00:31:53] these poor people have been through so much and none of them can trust each other it's a little stressful

[00:32:01] yeah taxonomies surprise you related oh I thought of old boy flowers in the attic dexter season one

[00:32:11] the invitation not the good one but the vampire one that's from like earlier this year uh-huh

[00:32:18] someone finds out they're related to someone else and in some cases it's horrifying like an old

[00:32:22] boy or flowers in the attic or game of thrones or game of thrones and but yeah this guy just shows up

[00:32:29] and is like oh yeah you two are brother and sister and they're like sure yeah they just accept it

[00:32:35] yeah yeah it's a trope um usually used to some kind of end not in this case really no but is he

[00:32:42] also used in a way that's like I have manipulated you in such a way that like this reveal should be

[00:32:48] horrifying right and in this case I guess it's mostly just like I guess that makes this less complicated

[00:32:54] since theoretically yeah I don't know give some something to talk about puts them on the same team

[00:33:00] yeah but again we don't actually know whose family here and in what way this dad was actually

[00:33:07] involved in this whole conspiracy I don't trust him at all my first taxonomy category was body

[00:33:13] horror eating wrong addition and I thought about of course the census tree house of horror five

[00:33:19] where they they end up on the with the toaster time traveling toaster where they end up on a planet

[00:33:23] where everyone eats like lizards yeah um and they're like I have close enough um and then the fly

[00:33:30] mm-hmm and of course ice cream bus by Junji e-tone oh yes because watching people eat kind of wrong

[00:33:38] is just so deeply unsettling not like I don't know what makes it so gross but there's something

[00:33:45] about eating that's like kind of intimate intimate and um yeah just you're like ew that

[00:33:52] that thing from the outside is going into your insides yeah but we've just decided that this

[00:33:57] is an acceptable way to behave around it and you're just like splitting open part of your body

[00:34:01] to absorb other things into it I hate it I mean personally I love eating I love eating I hate

[00:34:08] being around people eating I guess so yeah a good source of body horror effectively used here

[00:34:14] agreed I feel like this sort of way of eating differently was chosen as a like

[00:34:20] ah kids will find this funny but it's like there's so many other implications that I wish

[00:34:24] had been explored like they're sort of manipulating their sleeves but why cover your sleeves like

[00:34:29] is there like why aren't more people topless like why like why like what else about the body is different

[00:34:36] that yeah isn't there yeah maybe it's like a pandemic situation there and everyone's wearing

[00:34:42] shirts like they're coming up a mess yeah and they just like lower it to eat airplane style yeah

[00:34:47] and then I'm just wondering like okay so does the esophagus go from the armpit to stomach like

[00:34:52] what else is different today less travel about other feet I don't know yeah do they still breathe

[00:34:57] through their mouths I don't know what does it smell for them I just talking but talking and breathing

[00:35:02] I think it makes a lot of sense evolutionarily to separate the place where you breathe from the

[00:35:05] place where you eat it's actually very true yes we're learning from learning how to feed a child

[00:35:10] yeah or basically helping her figure out how to eat food yeah yeah I know I mean I still make

[00:35:16] mistakes with this whole thing mm-hmm remember when I choked on the margaritas salt last night yeah

[00:35:24] my next one bad bugs or are they or or are they so in this one I guess what we're meant to believe

[00:35:31] is in fact yes they are bad but are we I don't know but there I feel like there's a sort of like

[00:35:37] robust sci-fi media tradition of using the sort of trope of like bugs or mutants as a way of saying

[00:35:44] like ah but did you just not like them because they're different from you like super troopers or

[00:35:50] there's an episode of black mirror called men against fire where which is also like I think

[00:35:54] there's a toilet zone there's an outer limits which is the same concept which is they sort of

[00:35:59] train or tinker with soldiers brains such that they think they're killing a bunch of bugs but it's

[00:36:04] actually just like civilians from a different culture or something like that yeah so I think there's

[00:36:10] a way in which this is supposed to make us think about how like who we empathize with is it the

[00:36:15] people we look like or is that these creatures who don't look like us and suck our blood and

[00:36:21] explode but then it kind of gets undermined here where they're like oh they were actually evil

[00:36:27] yeah you were right to kill them well I think that Aralstein doesn't ultimately give us an answer

[00:36:32] about that but I think it's completely referencing that trope and it's exactly like the moral you

[00:36:36] described is attached to it um yeah something that always bugs me when it came to space alien representations

[00:36:44] like what what are the odds that they would end up looking roughly humanoid I feel like slim

[00:36:52] yeah yeah I had a related one which was the baddies become the helpers for example the hyenas

[00:36:59] in lion king turning on scar assuming you think that that's a good outcome which I don't necessarily

[00:37:05] but the mummy I feel like the scarab beetles are a good comparison here they don't just attack you

[00:37:11] they can also attack your enemies and make them go out and uh swiney toad remember the madhouse

[00:37:18] where the yeah people all turn on their keeper but basically I think yeah the message is like

[00:37:24] you were scared of them but aren't you glad you weren't rude to them because if you were scared

[00:37:27] of them and rude to them they would have come for you but being polite can take you a long ways

[00:37:32] yeah and getting you not killed yes getting the guy next to you killed well so also related aliens

[00:37:39] they're just like us so that's what I was saying yeah exactly it 12 lights on does this a lot and a

[00:37:45] lot of actually I think sci-fi from the 50s does it so the daily earth stood still plan nine from outer space

[00:37:50] like it's just like I don't know it's a guy but his his outfit silver actually I was reading that

[00:37:56] in the original daily earth stood still the producers were like you know what we'll do for the main alien

[00:38:01] guy well cast a British actor most Americans haven't heard of and then they'll be like holy shit

[00:38:05] he's not from around here but basically yeah you have aliens who are essentially just us but

[00:38:12] yeah with a different numerical system I guess and as we were discussing sometimes the point is to

[00:38:17] point out things about point out some of our flaws like how every year you're asked what did you

[00:38:23] do for your summer vacation it's one of our horrible flaws is a species or that you're like uptight

[00:38:28] and paranoid and try to you know if you suspect everyone is as violent as you and those are equally

[00:38:33] bad yeah I have a one that's kind of related which is like xenophobia but also feeling xenophobic while

[00:38:44] you're the one who's not the norm for example in i am legend and invasion of the body snatchers it

[00:38:51] becomes out here of course movie and then when we just saw this 1970 British horror drama film

[00:38:58] called and soon the darkness which is basically about these two British women getting into a scary

[00:39:04] situation in France but they don't understand French and they're also scared of French people

[00:39:09] and like I can't trust any of you because of the invasion of Normandy yeah yeah it's um wait not

[00:39:17] that because of the Norman conquest yeah it's a very different thing yeah uh take over my language

[00:39:25] and yet I still can't understand yours and I won't try no I this isn't a movie wasn't it it was

[00:39:32] it was enjoyable yeah extremely creepy and similar to this you're like I have no idea what happened

[00:39:35] in the end but yeah I'll take a lot of those stories are about being a bad guest the implicit moralist

[00:39:43] you should learn the culture you should be respectful but then usually something happens where it's

[00:39:47] like oh but you were justified in being addicted them anyway because look how scary they are

[00:39:51] right except an ion legend which is something cool about that one yes but yeah it's this story

[00:39:56] of it's it's this kind of story of I traveled to a different place and I'm really angry that

[00:40:01] they're not all accommodating me and adapting to what I think is normal me yeah an American

[00:40:11] medal she got how did I get here oh that's a minus coat oh well so mine is about finding

[00:40:17] yourself in a place where you realize like I have no idea how I got here it's a minus two cube

[00:40:22] circle there's this great part in Momento where Guy Pierce's the scene starts he's like I guess

[00:40:29] I'm chasing this guy and the guy like Farrow's gun is like oh I guess he's chasing me oh I remember

[00:40:33] that yeah but this this whole book felt like that whereas just very like we're in the moment trying

[00:40:38] to deal with this situation as opposed to take a step back reflect yeah yeah I'm gonna add some other

[00:40:44] examples to the ones you just gave but the Varian yeah oh god how do we get here we drove here

[00:40:51] how the fuck did we get here how do they get out they didn't he can't yeah oh my god that movie

[00:40:57] is fucked up though it is it's very boring was very boring and poorly executed yeah and it just

[00:41:02] it was a lot of it was Jesse Eisenberg digging a hole but basically yeah it's it is it has some

[00:41:07] similarities with this in terms of the confusing humanoid aliens we can't quite follow what

[00:41:14] their intentions are but they're they seem sinister two things about that one is I feel like

[00:41:18] Jesse Eisenberg was like I'm not gonna play geek I don't play some sort of salt of the year if

[00:41:22] work in man who like he plays a gardener and it's so unbelievable and he's also like but I also

[00:41:26] won't learn many lines so yes basically none but the other thing about that is afterwards we started

[00:41:31] looking up reviews and Andy found this one that I knew this is off talk of it because it called me

[00:41:38] out so hard I started writing this sentence before the end well part of me loved the movie it was

[00:41:43] it was much below the expectations there's nothing new in and after the first five minutes

[00:41:47] the story could make a great movie but it failed it could be interesting for a small group of

[00:41:52] movie lovers who don't mind thinking about the painful darkness of the life on their weekends but

[00:41:55] I do not recommend it to the general public but you don't mind it yourself no that's what I do with my

[00:42:00] weekends yeah um also another more real version is I just killed my dad that documentary about

[00:42:07] the boy whose dad kind of like kidnapped him and cut him off from society more or less so he's

[00:42:12] like a teenager and he didn't know his address or how to read or like anything and that's kind of

[00:42:17] the experiences characters these characters having of being like I can't navigate the world because I

[00:42:22] have no like this that's a very effective way of cutting someone off as having no context especially

[00:42:28] for a kid yeah yeah well since you covered how did I get here which is very good horror trope

[00:42:35] oh and with swept up in a war oh yeah just unmainotes to you there was a big battle going on

[00:42:40] and now you're part of it no geez oh I have to take a side I feel like it's a variation on the kind

[00:42:44] of like well it mean it may be just part of you know the like ordinary guy suddenly becomes part

[00:42:51] important in some way how through war yeah um uh normal I'm so normal they're not in the hero

[00:42:58] yeah I think there's obvious like ideological function of promoting a story like that um in a

[00:43:05] military society but I thought of the Phantom Menace I thought of Rick and Morty I thought of

[00:43:11] the Wizard of Oz I thought of some great early modern plays like the family to the West part one

[00:43:18] it was actually a whole thing in the early modern period a lot of English people in the 16th and

[00:43:22] 17th century were like you know where's better than here places where I can have a job and money

[00:43:28] and so a lot of them when they would go to the Middle East for various like merchant reasons they

[00:43:33] would end up staying and converting and then England kind of got anxiety about this and there's

[00:43:38] this whole genre of play is called the Turning Turk plays real well confused about what Turkish

[00:43:43] meant versus English people confused about other cultures right right um so in the fair

[00:43:49] made of the West um that yeah this character Clem thinks he's gonna strike it rich in North Africa in

[00:43:55] this case and something happens that reminded me of this book that also happens a lot of these

[00:44:01] turning Turk stories which is he has to um get circumcised sorry Andrew's making little uh

[00:44:09] fingers scissors fingers scissors I realize that doesn't work in a audio medium

[00:44:13] it's pretty funny though uh yeah so that's what the armpit thing reminded me of circumcision

[00:44:18] well yeah just this like to adapt to this culture you have to have this little surgery

[00:44:22] scary thing done to you yeah it's an old old trope I just thought about the Nutcracker

[00:44:27] which I learned from the New York Times recently is like basically uh this imperial force is

[00:44:33] presenting in triumph all the people it's defeated and there's a big drunken party that's how this

[00:44:37] one ends that's very true occasionally the New York Times publishes something worth three days yeah

[00:44:42] but this was like I think an outside writer so that it's pretty good anyway yeah we're

[00:44:48] exciting opportunity for a party yeah well if I have no stake in this I could become really rich out

[00:44:54] of it yeah get a cool uniform dude shared universe yeah so at the very end we have some lizard people

[00:45:04] with human heads are these creeps and then the follow-up question is we don't actually know when

[00:45:11] in any of these timelines we are and supposedly they've gone back to some time before when

[00:45:17] they left are they going back to a time and place where the creeps have succeeded are they

[00:45:24] are they really on earth I don't know what do you think well it seems like this book kind of brings

[00:45:29] together several of our invasive species we've talked about you mentioned beast from the east and

[00:45:35] I think they are definitely using the beast from the east language they are definitely similarly

[00:45:39] obsessed with playing games and being violent and so because it's like the number seven humans

[00:45:45] well I was wondering if the beast from the east characters are somewhere in the woods and that's

[00:45:49] when they're like oh don't go to the woods like maybe it's not just the splatter bugs you'll be

[00:45:52] like swept up into this stupid game and you won't be able to leave yeah you might get eaten yeah

[00:45:57] um because I was thinking maybe the beast from the east family is actually from this planet and

[00:46:02] not planet earth would you make a little more sense where they just wander into this yeah place um

[00:46:07] but anyway and then I was thinking oh that would make a lot more sense yeah right and then I was

[00:46:12] thinking you remember and welcome to camp nightmare where there was the prairie cat yeah yeah so what if

[00:46:17] that's another one of those creatures and that welcome to camp nightmare planet is also the beast

[00:46:23] from the east planet oh interesting and then you have these people that are like going through these

[00:46:28] training programs right like maybe that's a different timeline in this intergalactic war and part

[00:46:32] of what they're what that kid Billy or whatever what's his name I think it was Billy something like

[00:46:36] that the kid from welcome to camp nightmare is part of is like trying to do reconnaissance maybe

[00:46:42] this is later when they have developed better space technology or something and that book is I mean

[00:46:48] and they're trying to figure out how can we deal with these like earth geeks yeah yeah so then to

[00:46:53] bring it back to the creeps um I think either they went to the wrong planet like a planet similar

[00:47:01] to earth that could be a training ground for creeps and that's why the people are like wearing

[00:47:05] human masks and pulling them off so it's like the equivalent of like those little like cities in the

[00:47:09] desert where they drop nuclear bombs yeah this is an ideal like like 1950s place and the creeps are

[00:47:14] like uh are you supposed are you a part of this program yeah or like that part in um

[00:47:19] science of the lambs where they're like learning how to bust up a drug ring or something right but

[00:47:26] it's all fake it's like simulation yeah planet or they're on earth and exactly like you said

[00:47:32] the creeps have taken over but it's weird then that they would be wearing a human mask and then

[00:47:35] pulling it off yeah maybe there's just like you just came out of a spaceship you're so you must

[00:47:40] be one of us yeah yeah yeah because the creeps do seem to have a hard time recognizing each other

[00:47:44] they don't have good like internal communication system no what do you think

[00:47:51] I yeah I was wondering if somehow like time travel was it play in a way that

[00:47:56] I don't know bear with me here but maybe crazy old Phil didn't totally understand what he was doing

[00:48:02] and so maybe it's possible it was like you're either going like way back in time or way ahead

[00:48:07] in time I don't know maybe he thought he had an end to time travel when in fact he just kept

[00:48:13] saying people to the wrong place and assuming well it must just have been like way later or way

[00:48:17] earlier yeah so do you think it's time travel or do you think it's alternate timeline

[00:48:24] I don't think it's an alternate timeline I actually really like the scenarios you've presented where

[00:48:29] either you just went to the wrong fucking place or there's some sort of like they're in

[00:48:33] some sort of training ground where this is somebody else that was trying to invade earth

[00:48:38] yeah I don't know why earth's such a hot commodity I mean I like it

[00:48:42] I mean I don't really have any point of reference to be perfectly honest

[00:48:45] like I've only ever lived here the other planets I know about sorry tech bros but I don't

[00:48:50] think sound like great habitable sort of options not especially else or full of tech bros

[00:48:56] do you think they're really gonna send themselves first no well I was wondering if Slatby is powered

[00:49:03] by a splatter bug interesting just because he had that bug that looks actually nothing like

[00:49:09] the splatter bug on his head oh cuz of that it could be a larval stage of one I mean I was just

[00:49:14] thinking about so like do you think his it's somehow telepathically controlling his movements I just

[00:49:20] literally cuz he had a grub in his head yeah the joyous thinking it could be a stage in development

[00:49:26] of the splatter bug that yeah can like I don't know power him is trying to get people to do stuff for him

[00:49:34] maybe cuz yeah like jumping around trying to communicate yeah well because somebody has to be

[00:49:39] going and like kidnapping that's what we learned is like these splatter bugs have kidnapped earth

[00:49:43] geek after earth geek and brought them to the planet to try to get them to help take over oh and you

[00:49:49] think this is their way of like scouting like this would be a good person to smuggle a bomb into

[00:49:53] this planet right like inside of a toy yeah good like in any camp kind of yeah and they seem to be

[00:49:59] taking whole families so like finding a mark through a child's toy I guess that's

[00:50:05] makes sense although I guess technically he's not a child's toy but well you know art piece

[00:50:10] part of a serious comedians repertoire he's he's a tax write-off for Jimmy O James's you know

[00:50:17] career um well okay what about animal rights what do you think about this book in relation to

[00:50:24] what we've seen happen so far with animals in the series 2000 well animals or animal looking

[00:50:30] things have had a rough time in series 2000 because I mean I feel like at the end what we're presented

[00:50:35] with is the fact that like they're not animals in the sense that series 2000 understands it or

[00:50:41] it's like oh this cap got run over something like like again they're more intelligent it's like if

[00:50:47] this book was about I'm trying to give a good example it's like if all of the main characters here

[00:50:53] were lemurs but like actually it turns out these bugs are like I don't know whales or so I

[00:51:00] this had that example but like they're small and they look different but they're like

[00:51:05] functional like they have space travel I don't know I and again I realized humans are animals

[00:51:12] and so like the human animal distinction is a little fuzzy but the sort of animal cruelty does

[00:51:18] tend to be things that we recognize things that are like quote-unquote not as intelligent as if that

[00:51:24] matters but it's weird to think of the plan as there's one human species and everything else is

[00:51:29] an animal it's more like no they're just multiple different kinds of like equally intelligent species

[00:51:34] or if there's one most intelligent species it's not the ones that we're interacting with

[00:51:39] through almost the book well then is it like I don't know it's it calling out that distinction

[00:51:45] that you just said right where it's like it's not like there's one intelligent species and then

[00:51:49] everything else is an animal like is it called is it inviting the reader to be suspicious of that

[00:51:54] distinction in their own lives yeah I mean in a very optimistic light I would hope so yeah

[00:52:00] is it actually I don't know but yeah for like a hot minute there before Jacob kills them all yes

[00:52:08] yeah it's almost like it goes to a place of wanting to be more complicated and then it's like

[00:52:12] let's get out of here yeah I'm allergic to that all they got three chapters left gotta wrap it up

[00:52:16] yeah and not like undermine everything we were setting up with the whole not killing a living thing

[00:52:21] maybe this is a problem yeah exactly yeah but I think it is supposed to seem kind of horrifying

[00:52:27] and bad when the kids are just squashing all the bugs for fun oh totally it absolutely is there's

[00:52:31] just like reveling and bloodshed yeah again and be like oh what did the kids do they go out

[00:52:35] back behind the school and they squash chimpanzees like I know it's horrible yeah I know wow

[00:52:43] I'm sad now yeah I think there's some um believe golden novel where like it sounds like

[00:52:49] him not William Gibson William Golden Lord is okay never mind he's always a children

[00:52:54] name William Golden novel where with the whole book you're with and I've only read about it I've been

[00:52:58] meaning to read it but you think you're with humans but actually it turns out you're with

[00:53:03] Neanderthals and then it's like oh the the homo sapiens are coming to like kill you whenever I

[00:53:07] think about that I get really freaked out yeah about all the different like human species that

[00:53:11] got killed off so that's basically what we're looking at I think that's actually the analogy I was

[00:53:15] looking for earlier it's like lemurs and whales they know they have separate territories they're fine

[00:53:21] they're fine but yeah like hominids fighting each other basically uh-huh yeah did you have any other

[00:53:28] theories and queries yes yes okay um do you remember when we last saw creatures that didn't like

[00:53:35] Whistling or Chihuahua yeah it relatedly oh no so I believe it was you can't scare me oh part of

[00:53:43] the reason I remember picking up on it is that we have a Chihuahua who hates Whistling uh-huh

[00:53:47] and there was a dog I think named Gattercut who would start growling yeah and so I was wondering if

[00:53:53] there's any relationship either any relationship between Buttercup like that dog was that dog really a

[00:53:59] dog is our dog even really a dog or chihuahua and um and the splatter bugs or what is it about Whistling

[00:54:08] that that freaks in the fuck out maybe instead of having fleas buttercup had splatter bugs kind

[00:54:15] of burrowed under her that were psychically controlling her and then freaking out when it when

[00:54:19] there was Whistling yeah I forget what kind of high jinx buttercup got up to um well she was supposed

[00:54:24] to scare Courtney and then didn't she just like ran away and was like doop doop doop maybe dogs

[00:54:31] and toys are some of the vessels that these aliens used to go and spy on stuff is that what's

[00:54:37] going on with our dog being spied on by splatter bugs quite possible or she's spying on us on the

[00:54:43] behalf of splatter bugs but our scatter bugs also afraid when they think they have to pee and don't

[00:54:49] want to accidentally pee so then they run under the bed so you can't get them to go out that might be

[00:54:54] her and the splatter bugs I'd be like what the fuck are you doing this doesn't make any sense go do

[00:54:59] reconnaissance oh she's like no I have to pee yeah she has good at reconnaissance though yeah she's

[00:55:05] like ah I know that there's food in this room mm-hmm I know that there are toilet paper rolls in this

[00:55:09] room and I'm gonna rip them up good we uh it goosebumps if you go way back on our Instagram to

[00:55:15] very early on you'll see a video demonstrating our dog kind of freaking out while Andy whistles

[00:55:23] did you have other theories increased do we touch do we think yeah we did that one would you have

[00:55:27] others um I guess my last one was so the main aliens that we're dealing with do we know these aliens

[00:55:36] already are they new to us I mean I think my best explanation is the welcome to camp nightmare

[00:55:42] people who cohabitate with the bees from the east that makes sense but it could be the pumpkin heads

[00:55:48] yeah because they were also like randomly violent and they can look like anyone

[00:55:52] this true maybe this is their normal look but then I don't know why they would put on pumpkin heads

[00:55:57] and then put them back off again well I think the pumpkin heads were specifically a half of how

[00:56:02] we you're right yeah yeah um so I guess we have several candidates for who these could be

[00:56:08] I think we have more candidates for who it isn't like I don't think it's the egg monsters

[00:56:11] no no yeah they're not that that sinister on this planet I think this was the main ones with

[00:56:18] the crew along with the creeps who are lizard people I will say that I think the fucking reality police

[00:56:23] are lying down on the job oh yeah constantly yeah that makes me wonder are is their scope just one

[00:56:30] planet's reality is it all of space time I don't actually know I assume it was all of space time

[00:56:35] so you'd be dealing with rifts and incontinuity well maybe that's the issue it's like they're like

[00:56:42] there's no no time paradox here like this is just this is just ordinary intergalactic politics sorry

[00:56:48] yeah I guess so maybe maybe you're right now you used to want them to be better at their jobs though

[00:56:55] I would just like more law in order yeah I want someone to be being like everything needs to make

[00:57:03] sense we fit it into 44 minutes I think Arles Dye needed some reality police in the form of editors

[00:57:09] I think he did too it's very clear that the series is winding down at this point and that he's

[00:57:15] a little fed up because yeah because one thing that was very striking to me as I was reading it is

[00:57:19] like wow it's hard to believe this is the same series aimed at the same audience as cry of the cat

[00:57:25] because I do remember how that one had paragraphs yeah this must be one of the tricky things about

[00:57:30] writing for children which is eight-year-old can mean so many different things that so to so many

[00:57:36] different individuals because like cry of the cat I think the anxiety there was like well it's body

[00:57:40] horror but it's also it's a lot more of an adolescent body horror and yeah body horror is what if

[00:57:45] you ate three or a... well it's the same I think transition we see between something like say cheese

[00:57:51] and dye to the blood that ate everyone where I thought that story was good but remember the writing

[00:57:55] quality yes and I'm sure some of it has to do with speed some of it probably has to do with a

[00:58:00] little bit of fatigue because series 2000 started off so strong in so many ways into writing stop

[00:58:06] writing wise and Arles Dye has been pissy before in interviews about how many times they made him

[00:58:10] rewrite cry of the cat I know it was like almost like it was worth it though huh yeah and this one

[00:58:16] also felt like it felt fast it felt like it was written fast like it felt like and yet because

[00:58:21] Arles Dye is such a like weird sponge for everything creepy and funny and gross he gets to some really

[00:58:29] good places yeah well that's what I was saying it's like it's really hard to like sometimes believe

[00:58:34] that these are the same series for the same audience like this one almost feels like it's on

[00:58:38] some level there's a slightly younger audience and tendon but also again maybe that's just the

[00:58:42] calibration that happens over time you find they go actually like seven year olds and six

[00:58:47] year olds really like these but like the eight nine year olds not so much yeah I don't know

[00:58:51] I mean he's just a man that contains multitudes he is for sure maybe one day we'll run into him at

[00:58:56] Zaybars or something because I bet he also contains a lot of locks well up next we have the last book

[00:59:05] in series 2000 ghost in the mirror mmm interesting yeah more mere shit going back to our roots yeah

[00:59:12] on a scale of one to five boy or so what would you give earth geeks must go oh you'd get it

[00:59:16] so I like certain parts of it a lot but I'm frustrated by the continuity issues and I think

[00:59:22] also excited about the potential for how it wraps or it kind of brings together different

[00:59:27] different parts of the stories so fuck I don't know it's got highs and lows I'll give it a three

[00:59:33] yeah I mean for me like the highs are discussing it with you and the lows were reading it

[00:59:37] just so for me it's like in the in the two two and a half neighborhood if I'm feeling

[00:59:43] feeling generous yeah I might knock my down to two and a half yeah much more of a

[00:59:49] conversation stutter than I would say I think it would work well as a movie

[00:59:55] sure totally you'd be very like go go go go hi adrenaline like totally yeah give someone a budget

[01:00:01] for that mm-hmm well goose punks we want to know what you think of earth geeks must go and how

[01:00:08] you would resolve any of this alien stuff uh right to us at saipada diet email dot com or send us

[01:00:15] a message on twitter and instagram at saipada diet at some point we will read them we like to read

[01:00:21] them we do like to read them it just takes a minute lately yeah and also if you've got a minute

[01:00:28] we'd love it if you gave us five the wares on apple podcast or wherever else you get your podcasts

[01:00:33] that's right it would make us feel happy and it would help other other earth geeks find our podcast

[01:00:39] not that we're calling you an earth geek but let's be honest about who we are oh we'll remember

[01:00:43] the really schlocky part in this story where they're like oh on our in our culture geek means

[01:00:48] cool person and it's like then why were you chanting earth geeks must die like I don't think

[01:00:52] I think you're lying like cool kids must die yeah and that's not what you were saying at all no that's

[01:00:57] that's a real like oh we didn't mean it moment uh listen over where those were the scares good boo

[01:01:05] good boo I think we landed dad murmurs the hatch slides open bright sunlight pours into the spaceship

[01:01:16] is it our son Arlene asks unstrapping herself are we really back on earth my heart pounds as i

[01:01:23] followed dad and Arlene off the spaceship i guess at it the sun drench neighborhood a soft breeze

[01:01:27] flutters the trees i'm so happy i want to kiss the ground grass beautiful green grass oh beautiful

[01:01:33] green lawns and under a blue sky houses houses and rows behind trees and hedges normal houses

[01:01:40] a normal neighborhood we don't know what town we're in or in one state or what country but we're so

[01:01:45] happy all three of us go skipping down the street arm and arm we stop when we come to a man and a

[01:01:50] woman pulling up weeds in a front yard good morning i cry happily to them beautiful day isn't it

[01:01:55] dad adds grinning the man and the woman smile back at us then they pull off their heads and raise

[01:02:00] them high in the air a gaping horror a scaly purple lizard head poke up from their open next yes

[01:02:05] it's a beautiful one one lizard head replies are you from around here